End of Feminism - Are Men Needed?

In my parent's generation, a single paycheck usually was enough to support the family. This allowed more for a more relaxed child rearing situation, and it also had a built-in saftey mechanism in that in rough times, the mother could pitch in to make ends meet. Today families need both full-time incomes to make ends meet and if one parent loses their job the result can be foreclosure. Couples today work more hours for less stability.

I've recognized these issues, but this article goes further along the path wondering what the growing strength of women in the workforce will do to the family structure:

Childrearing and marriage are no longer connected

...In 1970, women contributed 2 to 6 percent of the family income. Now the typical working wife brings home 42.2 percent, and four in 10 mothers...are the primary breadwinners in their families...

... it is going to become more common for women to have children outside marriage. But this doesn't mean you're necessarily going to see a rise in single motherhood. Women will be free to experiment with many different kinds of parenting arrangements, from raising children alone or with a female partner, to raising them in an extended family.

More reproductive freedom does not mean women will want to lead non-traditional lives or abandon their families. In twenty years, a woman might decide she wants children, but instead of getting married she wants to live with her parents and grandparents. Because she has the income to pay for her child's needs, and to contribute to the family home, she now has the freedom to choose this option.

...We may return to arrangements that look a lot like what people had over a century ago, when servants and nannies took care of middle-class homes while the middle- and upper-classes ran countries and businesses. Except this time around, women's incomes will be what allows a household to afford its servants. (Remember, the wealthiest families are dual-income.)

...In a future where women workers report to women bosses, fewer and fewer women are going to feel that they share a common social status with their sisters. In fact, female nurses might feel like they have more in common with male nurses than they do with the female hospital administrators who treat them like crap and cut their hours.

Women's equality with men may spell an end to women's solidarity with each other. But women will forge new alliances - ones that have nothing to do with gender. And maybe that isn't so much the end of feminism, but the beginning of a world that no longer needs it.

As a side, look at some famous man-caves.

The 18 Year Marathon

...a new UCLA study that documented the life of middle-class families, videotaping their dinners, conversations and leisure activities:

The U.C.L.A. project was an effort to capture a relatively new sociological species: the dual-earner, multiple-child, middle-class American household. The investigators have just finished working through the 1,540 hours of videotape, coding and categorizing every hug, every tantrum, every soul-draining search for a missing soccer cleat.

So what did they find? The general conclusion is that family life is extremely stressful, a relentless barrage of problems, mishaps and negotiations. One of the graduate students who spent time with the families referred to the experience as "the very purest form of birth control ever devised."

...And yet... it's much easier to quantify pleasure on a moment-by-moment basis, or document the swing of cortisol levels in saliva, than it is to quantify something as intangible as "unconditional love". Changing a diaper isn't enjoyable, and teenagers can be such a pain in the ass, but having kids can also provide a profound source of meaning. (I like the amateur marathoner metaphor: survey a marathoner in the midst of the race and they'll complain about their legs and that nipple rash and how the endless route. But when the running is over they are always incredibly proud of their accomplishment. Having kids, then, is like a marathon that lasts 18 years.)

The larger point, though, is that just because we can't measure something doesn't mean it isn't important, or that we should always privilege the quantifiable (pleasure, stress) over the intangible (meaning, purpose). Real life is complex stuff. - The Frontal Cortex

DoubleX Blog

The DoubleX blog is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. Check it out these sample posts:

My Newborn is Like a Narcotic

A Dandy's Guide to Girl Watching

Rural Childhood

 

Met this kid at a plastic playground inside a Burger King, which was attached to a gas station at a freeway exit in northern Tennessee.

He was alone and said he got to play here all day, and has no friends. His momma's boyfriend works at Burger King and his mom works at a different one across town. He can't see his dad, because daddy's girlfriend showed him some pills, and the police got involved. His momma says when he was little they knew he was tough becaue he would run into walls and not cry. He wants to grow up and be a cage fighter. And he has decided that he only wants to move one last time, after that, no more moving.

Forced Together Time with Prison Walls

Happy Father's Day

Temporary prison-like walls built around a subdivision for a reality TV show:
e>...the network built 2,000 feet of stark 20-foot tall walls around eight homes in a Kennesaw subdivision, walls that resemble the outside of a maximum-security penitentiary...

...eight families in those homes will be trapped in their own homes for about three weeks, blocked by said wall. If they leave, they relinquish the chance to win an unspecified large cash prize...

...the concept is that suburban families lead such rushed, disparate lives, they don’t spend enough time together. This show will force them to do so. Dad can’t go off and play golf. The kids can’t go to ballet class or karate lessons. Mom can’t hit the mall.

As a footnote, apparently this is in the same community that made gun ownership mandatory for all households and is the same town that elected Newt Gingrich and refused to allow public transit inside.

The Case Against Breastfeeding

It was bound to happen. Perhaps the pendulum is now swinging back against breast feeding, or at least against the social pressures to breast feed.

Quotes from the video: Breastfeeding has become another way to control women, and make them feel insecure about their identity as women. It becomes this measure..."are you a good mother? Do you breastfeed?"

..I liked the idea of being central to my child's existence. It's not about the milk...

It's supposed to be empowering, not about the science, (which is weak in support of breastmilk)...

...We don't have maternity leave in this country...just breastfeeding at night is a disaster...that moment when women go back to work is a crux when judging begins...

...the formula container says 'breastmilk is best'...

New Year Resolutions

In no particular order, and not getting too personal ... off the top of my head:

- Do the hard things first, each morning.
- Get LEED Accredited by April.
- Volunteer more (CFF.org, FBC Group, Church, OTRCC, AIA)
- Complete all side-jobs within 30 days.
- Learn how to use both hands at same time on piano.
- Pay off final credit cards by end of year.
- Build shelves at 3 places in house.
- Join the anti-demolition efforts, CPA.
- Add lighting on front of building.

I'm not Anti-Downtown, I'm Pro-Urban-Neighborhood

I guess that's what you call the Hyde Park triangle (Edwards, Madison, Observatory). It's not quite city life the way downtown-proper or OTR is, but it's also nothing at all like suburban Delhi where I grew up.

I like that walkability isn't just a theoretical concept...people actually do it. We walk to the bank, post office, video store, liquor store, dentist, orthodontist, and playground. We walk 5 blocks to church, and have half a dozen places to eat brunch on the way back, after buying a paper from the street-vendor on the square. The kids walk to the bus, work, Graeter's for ice cream, GameStop, LaRosa's, Busken's, or just walk up to the square to hang out with friends.

I like that our firemen grill out in front of the firehouse and chat with passers-by. They always put out a bowl full of water, and buy dog treats to hand out. They aren't supposed to let kids sit in the trucks (wink). Pets and kids are everywhere. Couples walk their dogs hand in hand, families take turns pushing the stroller, and joggers go by 24/7. When we moved here in the late 80's our pastor used to quip that he did a dozen baptisms a year and almost a hundred funerals. Today those numbers are reversed.

I like that our shops can't be found anywhere else. I like our gas-lit streets, huge trees, and turn-of-the-century houses with stained glass and fireplaces, and that no two look alike. I like that everybody plants things out front, and that people wave to each other and say "Hi", whether they already know each other or not. I like that our street has it's own email list and "citizens on patrol", all run by concerned neighbors; and that every few years we block off the street and have a neighborhood cookout just to get acquainted with the newcomers. I like that Rookwood shopping center has a fireworks display at dusk on Friday after Thanksgiving to kickoff the shopping season.

I like that about half the houses display political signs during election season, and that none of them are messed with. We had roughly even numbers of Obama and McCain signs, indiating a healthy diversity of opinions, and nobody has any hard feelings over it.

I like that our location makes the greater Cincinnati area as drivable as our neighborhood is walkable. The most distant spot in the I-275 beltway is only 30 minutes away, most of our trips take between 10 and 20 minutes because we're only 3 traffic lights from 4 interstate ramps. My wife's hospital job is 10 minutes away by car, my office is a 15 minute drive (20 minutes in rush hour) and the kids pickup the Metro to school at the end of our street.

Downtown and OTR are already that convenient, and are now heading toward the same social status, becoming more friendly to families, couples and singles, and less friendly to those who mooch off of or prey upon them. I'm looking forward to the same variety of entertainment and fellowship in OTR that we currently have in Hyde Park, Oakley, Mt Lookout, Mt Adams and Clifton.

Cities are more expensive, busier, noisier, and less predictable when it comes to the kind of people you wind up bumping into. But that's what makes them such a rush to live in. And why we couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

I'm not anti-Suburb, I'm pro-City

I thought of this topic looking at the latest "I'm a Mac" commercial. I've always found them somewhat entertaining (John Hodgman is brilliant) but was curious about the tenor of the campaign. What I mean by this is that (in my opinion) the Mac character reinforces the negative stereotypes that I would think Apple would want to leave behind. Am I the only one that wants to smack the Mac-guy upside the head? I imagine he plays well to the Mac faithful, but isn't the purpose of advertising to expand the audience, rather than pander to the converted?

This made me wonder about city-fans. Do we come off as smarmy as the Mac guy? In all honesty, I think we do. We can go on pandering to the faithful, or we can step out and try to communicate why anyone in their right mind would want to live and raise a family in the city. Comparisons are important, but my goal on this blog will be to give the positive reasons for the city, not the negative for the 'burbs.

For me, the three advantages to city-life are the three L's of Real Estate: location, location, location. I love living in the urban center of the area. It helps that my wife works downtown, and while I work from home, most of my client meetings occur downtown. But even when I have projects that take me out of the core, I get the advantage of going against traffic.

OK, so we learned I am lazy. How is this a family benefit? Our son's childcare is downtown (a couple blocks from my wife's work). He is a 5 minute commute from home (kid + lots of stuff makes the 20-minute walk less tenable). I know folks from the 'burbs that drop their kids off, then have a 45-minute to 1 hour commute. That gives us a minimum of an extra hour and twenty a day with our son. That is pretty priceless for us.

Since we are at the center of things, it also makes most places convenient. Besides all the great opportunities here, we are positioned to easily go to Montoya's on Buttermilk, Vincenzo's on Chester or back to Ruthai's in Mount Lookout if we want to. And it is really convenient to a number of kid-friendly venues like the Zoo, Museum Center, and Newport Aquarium.

Now it certainly depends on the family. We have good friends who live out in Loveland. Now to us that seems the ends of the earth. But since work for them is in Mason, as much as we would like to lure them down here, they are where it is most convenient for them. So I know the location thing won't work for everyone, but it works great for us.

What about you? Why do you live in the city, if you do?

The Place for Families

Saw this place in Northside, and I think I know some mothers who work here. Cincinnati Family Enrichment Center.

I have some posts scheduled for this week, but I will mostly be away from computers for the next week...

Dads Happier than Moms

An article says mothers are working more out of the home, husbands are not picking up the slack, homes are dirtier. Family gatherings are stressful for mothers and they are relaxing for dads. I definitely think all of this is true:

... For a woman, time with her parents often resembles work, whether it’s helping them pay bills or plan a family gathering. “For men, it tends to be sitting on the sofa and watching football with their dad,”

.... Since the 1960s, men have gradually cut back on activities they find unpleasant. They now work less and relax more.

... women have replaced housework with paid work — and, as a result, are spending almost as much time doing things they don’t enjoy as in the past.

... women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did ...They can’t possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they are somehow falling short.

... the average time devoted to dusting has fallen significantly in recent decades. ... I imagine that the new American dustiness affects women’s happiness more than men’s.

...Her mother’s goals in life, ... were to have a beautiful garden, a well-kept house and well-adjusted children who did well in school. “I sort of want all those things, too,” the student said, as Ms. Stevenson recalled, “but I also want to have a great career and have an impact on the broader world.”

...American society hasn’t fully come to grips with the change. The United States still doesn’t have universal preschool, and, in contrast to other industrialized countries, there is no guaranteed paid leave for new parents.

..men still haven’t figured out how to shoulder their fair share of the household burden...

Here is the original study.

Here is a cartoon showing how when at work, we are wishing we were with our family, and when we are at home, we are often thinking we should be working.

The Dutch have the Happiest Children

According to UNICEF, the Dutch have the happiest children on earth. Actually, the report only studies the worlds richest 24 countries.

How does a country with liberal marriage laws, a drinking age of 16, legalized prostitution, and legalized drugs achieve this? How do they do this with no backyards? After all, this is one of the most urbanized and densley settled countries in the world.

I skimmed through the report, and it has to do with the great public schools, the large number of children who live in families with both parents, and who eat together every evening. Parents are encouraged to take 4 day work weeks so that daycare is only needed 3 days a week.

In a related AP story today it is reported that Americans are no longer the tallest people on the planet. Quote:

"In some ways it gets to the fundamentals of the American society, namely what is the ideology of the American society and what are the shortcomings of that ideology," Komlos said. "I would argue that to take good care of its children is not part of that ideology."